Screenscribbler

Sunday 6 November 2011

Henley's Novella (First Draft)

Henley's Ricotta (the novel/novella) is my current work in progress. I'm determined to see this through to the finish despite having so little time at home and too much time at work. 
I've also got back into my gym, and have been very disciplined with my diet.
Anyway the first two chapters are posted for you to look at. If you do go there, please comment, criticise and don't feel you have to be nice. 
Good look to both Nari and HC who have both entered NanoWriMo. Maybe I should try and keep up with them and finish Henley's by the end of the month although I don't think it will make a full novel.
I hope you like Henley :-)

5 comments:

  1. You are certainly disciplined! I need to sit down and re-group I think. This morning I was walking the dogs in the woods when it occurred to me that I should be in the office having a one2one meeting with our designer.
    Good luck to Nari and HC with Nanowrimo! To commit so much time to writing would be wonderful but I'd always find something else that 'needed to be done' at the moment. So, I'll stick to my normal schedule and try to remember where I am meant to be.
    Henley? I shall be over to read it as soon as I can!

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  2. Haha! I enjoyed the read. The scene where Mrs Fanelli is wrestled to the floor by Henley could be hysterical on stage. Very Fawlty Tower-like!
    There is a slight continuity problem in the following lines regarding the request for coffee I think. Has she requested coffee after being handed it? Forgive me proofing - I do it automatically after a while as it forms much of my 'day job'.

    Looking forward to reading more :-)

    MRS. FANELLI
    Coffee? You offered me a cup of coffee?

    HENLEY pours some from the Thermos dispenser and hands MRS FANELLI a cup of coffee.

    HENLEY
    Help yourself to milk and sugar.

    MRS. FANELLI
    Thank you you’re very kind. Coffee please. I can see you’re quite organised. You’ve got it down to a tee Henley. (Giggles)

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  3. Thanks Deborah, I am so grateful for your helpful comments. I do appreciate it takes time to critique someone else's work.
    I have used some of the stage-dialogue, and there's an awful lot of new stuff in there that would never exist in a stage or screenplay and be written out as exposition. It is evident that I have left stage directions in the script an example being (Giggles). Somehow my mind fails to see what is so blatantly obvious to others, probably because I know the plot so well in my head, that I'm not really reading it in the same way as a reader would.
    Also reading through it again, I can see that some of the dialogue is not as snappy as I would like and in particular I need to shorten some of it.
    I'll get on to the continuity problems now.
    I suspect the whole thing is going to take several drafts to get it right.
    The story has a lot of twists and turns. Mrs Fanelli is not what she seems. I would love to see 'Henley's' on the stage. My aim was to write a farce which would appeal to adults of all ages.
    Thanks again Deborah.

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  4. Hello again Deborah. Now I've had a chance to look at it, I see the sample you showed me was not from the tab 'Henley's Novella' but was from the tab 'Henley's Ricotta' which is a script.
    Nevertheless your comments have made me revisit my work and I have made a few amendments. I've corrected the 'coffee' error in the script as well as taken another look at the novella. I'll have to wait until my next day off work to write some more. I still want to run with the script and will be taking the script to my screenwriter's group later this month.

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  5. Oops! Did I click the wrong tab? I enjoyed what I read in any case. I will take a look at Henley's Novella when i get a minute. Littlest grandson is in his playpen and making 'come-get-me-grandma' noises right now. I child mind on Thursdays for my daughter :-)

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